Most Paranoid....

Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:​

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "**!" after the tone.
* If you have schizophrenia, press whichever button the voice in your head tells you to press.
* If you have paranoia, we already know who you are and why you are calling. Don't hang up. It is too late.
* If you have depression, just hang up now. It wasn't going to help anyway.
 

Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:​

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "**!" after the tone.
* If you have schizophrenia, press whichever button the voice in your head tells you to press.
* If you have paranoia, we already know who you are and why you are calling. Don't hang up. It is too late.
* If you have depression, just hang up now. It wasn't going to help anyway.
That’s reallyyyyyyy bad Insider.

I’m shocked.
 
Went to a Christmas panto for people suffering from paranoid schizophrenia last night.

It was going well till someone shouted, He's behind you.....
 
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